The Messy, Beautiful Spiral of Spiritual Awakening

By Stephanie Bucklin

No One Arrives at Awakening Neatly

It’s not a polished staircase leading upward — it’s a spiral, looping through shadow, revelation, grief, rebirth, integration, and grace. We revisit our pain from higher ground, carrying more wisdom, compassion, and inner resources than before. Awakening is not linear. It is a rhythm — a remembering.

Carl Jung once wrote, “There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”

I didn’t understand the depth of that truth until life cracked me open, more than once.

Stage 1: The First Dark Night of the Soul (Age 29)

My initiation into awakening wasn’t mystical. It was brutal.

At 29, I broke — psychologically, emotionally, spiritually. A nervous breakdown took me to the edge of myself, a place where reality blurred and survival became uncertain. I had been strong my entire life, but this was different. This was surrender.

I learned something sacred in that darkness:

• I could shatter and still live.
• I could lose everything familiar and still remain whole at my core.

That dark night ended my corporate career, my relationship, and the identity I had been clinging to. It left me with lifelong physical limitations — a reminder that the body keeps score. But it also awakened a fierce resilience and an unshakable will to rebuild.

Stage 2: Disillusionment & Rebirth

When I stepped out of survival mode, a new awareness emerged:

I had been living someone else’s life.

Eckhart Tolle wrote, “Disillusionment is the child of awakening.”

And he’s right — it forces us to question what we once accepted. Leaving my job and my marriage was not an ending – it was a reclamation. The old life simply could not come with me.

Stage 3: Seeking: Reiki, Energy, and Possibility

Like so many spiritual wanderers, I began searching. Reiki entered my life like a lighthouse, showing me that healing could be energetic, intuitive, ancient. It revealed that the body is not just physical – it is memory, emotion, spirit, frequency. This wasn’t enlightenment. This was curiosity waking up.

The Second Dark Night ~ Mid 30s

What most people don’t tell you is this: You don’t get just one dark night of the soul. Awakening unfolds in layers – some gentle, some catastrophic.

In my mid-30s, a 21-day chakra cleanse tore open the vault I didn’t know existed. Trauma surfaced, not just mine, but ancestral, generational, and possibly carried from past lives. My body was a library of unspoken stories. It sent me spiraling again – but this time, I recognized the spiral.

Rumi said, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

That awareness softened the fear.

Stage 3, Again — Seeking the Higher Self

After the collapse came curiosity — again.

In a session designed for Lightworkers, I met my higher self. Not metaphorically — literally. I could hear her, feel her, and communicate with her. And in that moment, the illusion of separation dissolved. Even more surprising — I could hear other people’s higher selves too.

That experience shifted everything. Healing was no longer theoretical. It was embodied, relational, interconnected.

Stage 4: The Deepest Inner Work

The work began in my 30s, but the depth didn’t arrive until my 40s.

My hysterectomy – the sudden removal of my reproductive organs – broke something in me that had nothing to do with biology. It unraveled identity, femininity, lineage, purpose. It was another disillusionment, another invitation inward.

Shadow work, Inner child healing, Self-inquiry, and Truth-telling – these are things I was not able to face during my 30’s that broke open like a flood after my hysterectomy. 

Inner work isn’t glamorous  – it’s excavation, but it saves lives. This inner work has saved my life, again and again.

Another Descent — And a Turning Point

Last year, trauma visited again – a moment where mortality became real. I faced the darkness of another human being and saw a trajectory of even more trauma and heartache. But instead of collapsing, something inside me awakened: I know deeply that I am here on purpose.

During an Akashic Records reading on myself, I connected directly with the Divine – I felt the presence of Jesus beside me. I read A Course in Miracles, which opened up a realization within that the whole world had been lied to about His real experience. Ascension was the point of His life – a messenger of hope and oneness. During this reading, I realized I was not healing one wound, but many versions of me. Inner children returned, not as fragments, but as allies. Integration began.

This was the spiral rising.

Stage 5: Unity, Sovereignty, and Grace

In the last few months, something miraculous has happened – quietly, naturally, without forcing:

My body is relaxing ~ My nervous system is softening ~ My faith is expanding ~ My soul is celebrating.

This is unity consciousness – not perfection, but partnership with the Divine.

I trust life again ~ I trust myself again ~ I feel supported ~ I feel free.

This stage doesn’t mean life stops happening – it means I now meet life with presence rather than panic. Safety is no longer external — it lives in my body, my breath, my knowing.

Awakening is not a destination. It is an ongoing relationship with truth.

The Spiral of Becoming

I used to believe the goal was completion — enlightenment, healing, closure.

Now I understand:

• We heal in spirals.
• We grow in cycles.
• We awaken in layers.

Returning to the same lesson is not failure – it is evolution. Every dark night brought me closer to myself. Every disillusionment revealed truth. Every breakdown cleared space for rebirth. Every surrender led to sovereignty. This is the messy miracle of awakening.

And if you are somewhere on the spiral – lost, unraveling, questioning, rebuilding – you are not behind. You are becoming.

Namaste,

~S

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✨ Ready to Continue Your Ascension Journey?

If this story resonates with your own spiral of healing, awakening, and becoming — you’re not alone. I’ve been documenting this evolution for years, offering guidance, reflection, and spiritual context for fellow seekers on the path.

Here are three powerful blogs that expand on the themes of sovereignty, perception, and self-rediscovery:

🔹 Finding Yourself — Self-Discovery Through Introspection: A reminder that awakening begins within.
Read here: https://stephaniebucklin.com/finding-yourself/

🔹 Remembering Sovereignty — The Return to Your True Power: A deeper look at embodiment, choice, and spiritual maturity.
Read here: https://stephaniebucklin.com/remembering-sovereignty-2/

🔹 The Power of Perception — How Awakening Changes Everything: Because shifting how you see the world shifts who you become.
Read here: https://stephaniebucklin.com/the-power-of-perception/

Awakening is not a destination — it’s a lifelong conversation with your soul. I’d love to continue walking this path with you. 💛

🌟 Ready to Deepen Your Awakening? Join the Soul Journey Membership!

If you’re craving community, guidance, spiritual tools, live support, and a safe space to explore your awakening — the Soul Journey Membership was created for you.

This sacred container supports multidimensional healing through:

• ✨ Monthly live gatherings & teachings
• ✨ Akashic guidance, energy work & spiritual practices
• ✨ Journaling prompts, meditations & integration tools
• ✨ A compassionate community of conscious seekers
• ✨ Ongoing support for embodiment, sovereignty & self-trust

The world needs your awakened light — and I’d be honored to walk beside you. 💛

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