An autobiographical reflection on disability, healing, and self-sovereignty
By Stephanie Bucklin
For most of my adult life, chronic pain has been the quiet force shaping my spiritual awakening—sometimes gently, sometimes fiercely, but always with purpose. It took me years to understand that what I was living with was a disability. Not a flaw. Not a failure. Not something to hide or fight against. But a lived reality that invited me deeper into my own body, my resilience, and my spiritual path.
I didn’t have the language for any of this at 24 when the pain first became a daily companion. What I did have was a seeker’s heart. Even when I didn’t know how to name my experience, I was determined to understand it. That commitment to learning—mindset, energy, consciousness, physiology, and the invisible landscape of belief—became the map that guided my life’s work.
And today, looking back, I can finally say this with grace, “My healing has been my initiatory path into sovereignty. Every challenge became a doorway.”
A Body in Pain, A Spirit Awakening
Yoga was my first medicine. Cannabis became my second. Stress-management became my third. Together, they created a bridge between my suffering and my capacity for hope. But the greatest shift happened when I realized that my pain wasn’t just physical—it was emotional, mental, and spiritual.
In one of my earlier blogs, I wrote: “Healing begins the moment we stop fighting our experience and start listening to what our body is trying to teach us.”
That remains true. I have fired three pain management clinics because they only offered me band-aids. They wanted to numb my experience, not understand it. But I wasn’t looking for numbing—I was looking for meaning, for agency, for the ability to participate in my own healing. I wanted transformation, not sedation.
Learning to Check My Own Light
For years, I lived by “good vibes only,” trying to hold myself above pain, fear, and negativity. Those tools helped me survive, but they also taught me something vital: “Positivity without honesty becomes another mask the wounded self must carry.”
When people said I was engaging in toxic positivity, it forced me to look inward and ask: Was I bypassing? Was I avoiding? Was I afraid to let pain be seen? The answer was yes, sometimes.
Spiritual ego shaped me, too. I’ve been psychic since childhood—but in my early years of developing my gifts, I became a little too proud of what I could access, and not humble enough about what I still hadn’t healed. Spirit softened me. Life humbled me. Clients became mirrors. Every session taught me something about myself.
Every mirror reflected a lesson. That’s when I finally understood: “Spiritual mastery isn’t about power—it’s about presence, honesty, and the courage to keep learning.”
The Brain Injury That Changed Everything
After the traumatic brain injury, I learned that I could leave my physical body without meaning to. It wasn’t exactly astral travel, and it wasn’t exactly dissociation—it was something in between. A thinning of the veil. A slipping into the other dimensions where my mediumship has always lived.
For a while, that frightened me. But eventually, I realized those experiences were showing me the difference between escaping pain and transcending it. True healing isn’t about leaving the body—it’s about finally coming home to it.
The Moment Spirit Spoke Through the Pain
A few days ago, I was in extreme pain—one of my worst days in years. I had taken my meds, rubbed CBD lotion on my knees, and settled into bed to rest. My mind immediately went into complaint mode: I’m in so much pain. I can’t keep living like this. I’m exhausted.
Then Spirit asked, very quietly: “Are you in pain in this exact moment?”
I checked. I wasn’t moving. I was completely still. And the pain… wasn’t there.
In that stillness, I felt a truth rise in my heart: “Even in a life with chronic pain, there are islands of peace. Moments of safety. Glimmers of relief.”
That realization was a gift. A new kind of gratitude. A new relationship with my disability—one rooted not in resistance, but in awareness.
Why I Became a Holistic Health Practitioner
This journey—seven years of chronic pain, decades of mindset work, spiritual awakening, trauma healing, humility lessons, and daily devotion—has shaped me into who I am now.
My life’s work is not theoretical. It is lived experience. Embodied love. Learned through fire and grace.
“I became a healer because I had to learn how to heal myself first.” That is the truth of my path.
- I am a catalyst for change because I had to change.
- I am a love warrior because love is what saved me—again and again.
- I am a teacher because the lessons never stop flowing through me.
- I am a seeker because my spirit refuses stagnation.
- I am sovereign because I chose to rise.
And I am still learning. Still softening. Still becoming.
What I Know Now
I know that disability does not diminish my power—it clarifies it. I know vulnerability is not weakness—it is an invitation to authenticity. I know self-love is not a destination—it’s a daily practice. And I know healing is nonlinear—but growth is inevitable when we stay present.
Most importantly, “Hope is born each time we honor our humanity, not when we pretend to rise above it.”
I am grateful for the pain that shaped me, the practices that sustained me, and the spirit that continues to guide me.
This is my journey. This is my offering. And this is the reminder I offer to you: We can heal. We do change. And we always have the capacity to become more than we once believed possible.
Namaste,
~S
Gift Certificates for Healing & Hope
If this message speaks to your heart—if you are navigating physical pain, emotional overwhelm, mental fatigue, spiritual disconnection, or simply longing for support on your healing journey—I invite you to consider a powerful gift this holiday season:
A gift of healing. A gift of support. A gift of transformation.
This year, I’m offering discounted holiday gift certificates for all of my services—Reiki, Intuitive Readings, Akashic Records, Holistic Lifestyle Coaching, and more—so you can support the people you love… and yes, that includes you.
Because healing isn’t selfish.
It’s sacred.
And your well-being matters.
Whether you’re gifting clarity to a friend, peace to a family member, or renewal to your own spirit, these certificates are a gentle reminder:
You deserve support. You deserve relief. You deserve care.
✨ Purchase a gift of healing today and step into the new year with intention, love, and hope.
✨ Gift to others or gift to yourself—both are acts of self-love.
Let’s walk your healing journey together. 💜
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