by Stephanie Bucklin
It’s 3:00 AM and I’m awake. Again.
The familiar routine begins—my bladder nudges me awake, but it’s the pain that won’t let me drift back to sleep. Chronic pain is like a roommate I never invited, one that rearranges my nights and my nerves without notice.
Most nights, I practice what I preach. I breathe deeply. I ground myself in my body. I call in stillness. I try not to let frustration win. But insomnia—especially pain-induced insomnia—can break down even the strongest will.
“Sleep is the golden chain that binds health and our bodies together.” — Thomas Dekker
I deeply value sleep. I advocate for it. I build my entire wellness lifestyle around supporting it. Yet, it often escapes me.
For years, chronic pain has interrupted my sleep cycles. And when I’m working through physical injuries or post-therapy soreness—as I was yesterday—it’s even harder to rest. Last night, the pain in my shoulders and neck had me in tears. My partner massaged the tension, but it only revealed how deep and old this pain really is.
When I woke up just now, again unable to fall back asleep, I found myself reflecting—curious, as I often am—why does exercise sometimes increase pain before it relieves it? Why does healing have to hurt?
“The body keeps the score.” — Bessel van der Kolk
Pain has a memory. And some nights, my body feels like it’s recounting its entire history to me in the dark.
I’ve gathered an arsenal of tools to cope. I take anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxers when needed. I apply magnesium spray and use CBD/CBN support to wind my system down. I massage my aching parts with healing salves and oils. And I breathe—long, slow, intentional breaths—to calm my mind when my body won’t comply.
But here’s the truth no one likes to say out loud: sometimes these tools don’t work. Or at least, not the way we expect. And that’s when grace becomes the most important medicine of all.
“Healing is not linear.” — Unknown
It’s in these moments of wakefulness, discomfort, and vulnerability that I practice the deepest part of my path: acceptance. I don’t always like what’s happening in my body. But I can soften into the experience instead of resisting it. I can choose not to add emotional pain to the physical pain I’m already feeling.
Because I’ve learned something over the years:
✨ Pain is a messenger.
✨ Sleep is sacred.
✨ And being awake at 3AM doesn’t mean I’m broken—it means I’m listening.
To those who are also up at night, body aching, heart weary—you are not alone. Let’s keep seeking gentle ways to support our healing, knowing that even when rest is elusive, the desire for wellness is a sign of love toward the self.
“Chronic pain is not all in your head, but healing often starts there.” — Stephanie Bucklin
Until the next blog, may we all find a few more hours of peace. One breath at a time.
~S
Your Next Step Toward Rest, Relief, and Resilience
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