by Stephanie Bucklin
For most of my life, I unknowingly lived from the perspective of shame. It wasn’t until I embarked on a deep healing journey—one that took me through therapy, transformational courses, and spiritual study—that I realized the weight of shame I had been carrying since childhood. My journey led me to uncover and release not only shame but also suppressed rage, which had long been buried within me.
Meeting My Inner Child
Through therapy, particularly Internal Family Systems, I was able to meet the 8-year-old version of myself—the one who first experienced shame. I connected with her, acknowledged her pain, and worked through her guilt. It was a powerful step in reclaiming my sense of self.
Three Transformational Shifts
During my time in Colorado last autumn—a season I now recognize as my cocoon phase—I underwent three powerful shifts that transformed my relationship with shame and anger:
- Realizing the Root of Shame – After attending The Lightworker’s Persecution Wound event with Edward Mannix, I understood that shame had been the lens through which I viewed my entire life. This realization allowed me to start shifting my perspective.
- Releasing Stuck Shame – A generous soul gifted me an online course from Melissa Zoske, where I learned the Quantum Key Technique. This method helped me remove deeply embedded shame from my body, opening space for healing.
- Total Forgiveness – After completing A Course in Miracles, I experienced a profound shift through Christ Consciousness. I was finally able to completely forgive myself for past mistakes. The culmination of this process was an intense moment of physical release—I screamed into a pillow and expelled the last remnants of shame and rage from my body.
Since that moment, I have lived from a place of peace. While I still experience frustration at times, anger no longer controls me. Ironically, I am now required to take an Anger Management class due to a misdemeanor charge stemming from an incident where I was the one assaulted. In that class, I was introduced to the concept of healthy anger expression—a concept I had unknowingly been practicing for most of my adult life. However, I now see how my approach to anger has evolved, particularly in the areas of assertiveness, emotional regulation, and physical release.
Practices for Healthy Anger Expression
Healthy anger is not about suppression or explosion—it’s about processing and expressing it in a constructive way. Here are some key practices that have helped me and may help you too:
- Awareness – Recognizing when anger arises without judgment. Instead of reacting impulsively, take a deep breath and acknowledge the emotion. Example: When I feel frustration rising, I pause and mentally note, “I am feeling anger,” instead of letting it take over.
- Emotional Regulation – Managing anger through breathwork, mindfulness, or grounding techniques. This helps prevent outbursts or internalizing rage. Example: If I feel anger building, I place my hand on my heart and take slow, deep breaths until I feel centered again.
- Assertive Communication – Expressing anger in a clear, direct, and respectful way without aggression or passive-aggressiveness. Example: Instead of bottling up frustration, I now say, “I feel unheard when my boundaries are crossed. I need clear communication moving forward.”
- Journaling – Writing down thoughts and emotions to process them rather than reacting impulsively. Example: Whenever I feel triggered, I write about it in my journal to gain clarity before responding.
- Physical Release – Engaging in activities like exercise, dancing, or even screaming into a pillow to discharge stored anger in a healthy way. Example: That one scream into a pillow was life-changing for me, but I also practice movement-based releases like yoga or shaking off tension.
- Creative Expression – Channeling emotions into music, art, or another creative outlet. Example: I’ve found that making jewelry allows me to transform emotions into something beautiful and tangible.
- Setting Boundaries – Standing firm on what is acceptable and what is not, protecting one’s peace. Example: If someone continually disrespects me, I now assertively say, “This behavior isn’t acceptable to me,” and remove myself if needed.
- Seeking Support – Talking to a trusted friend, coach, or therapist to process emotions in a safe space. Example: My therapy sessions have been instrumental in guiding me through my healing journey.
A New Perspective
Anger is not the enemy—unchecked and unprocessed anger is. By practicing these healthy expressions of anger, I have cultivated a life of greater peace and self-acceptance. The transformation I have experienced has allowed me to respond to life rather than react to it.
If you find yourself struggling with shame, rage, or any other difficult emotions, know that healing is possible. It takes time, self-compassion, and a willingness to do the inner work. But on the other side of that work is a version of you who is free—free from the chains of shame, free from the burden of suppressed anger, and free to live with peace and empowerment.
Have you found ways to express anger in a healthy way? I’d love to hear about your journey in the comments.
Namaste,
~S
Leave a Reply