by Stephanie Bucklin
There comes a time in life when we realize that love is not meant to be exhausting, confusing, or filled with constant questioning. Love, at its best, is steady, nourishing, and kind. It’s not about losing yourself—it’s about discovering a deeper version of yourself, reflected in the eyes of someone who cherishes you as you are.
As bell hooks reminds us, “Love is an action, never simply a feeling.” A healthy relationship is made of consistent actions that build trust, safety, and mutual respect. These are the green flags—the signs that you are in a space where love can truly grow.
Green Flags: The Foundation of Trust
Green flags show up in ways that are both steady and profound:
- Communication that feels safe and open.
- Respect for your individuality and boundaries.
- A partner who celebrates your growth, rather than fearing it.
- Consistency between words and actions.
- A willingness to work through challenges together.
Maya Angelou once wrote, “Love is not love until it is vulnerable.” True connection is built when both people feel safe enough to show up authentically, without masks, without fear.
Glimmers: The Spark of Everyday Joy
Alongside the deep foundation of green flags, there are the glimmers—those small, fleeting moments that make your heart swell. They are subtle, yet they carry the power to transform an ordinary day into something unforgettable.
Glimmers are:
- The unexpected text that simply says, “Thinking of you.”
- The hand that reaches for yours in a crowded room.
- The laughter that bubbles up from a shared inside joke.
- The calm of sitting in silence together and still feeling completely understood.
As John O’Donohue beautifully expressed, “The heart is the place where we sense at home.” Glimmers remind us that love is not only grand gestures—it’s also the quiet, consistent warmth of being deeply seen.
Love is Not Perfect—It’s Practice
It’s important to say this clearly: even the healthiest love is not perfect. Perfection is an illusion. Disagreements will happen. Hard conversations will arise. But in a respectful relationship, fights don’t have to mean disconnection—they can mean growth.
The difference is in how you fight. Instead of tearing each other down, you learn to:
- See eye to eye, even when it takes time.
- Respect each other’s opinions, even when they differ.
- Agree to disagree when harmony matters more than “winning.”
- Find peace through the struggle, instead of running from it.
As Esther Perel reminds us, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” And quality comes from two people who are both willing to show up, work through the hard parts, and keep choosing each other day after day.
An Invitation to Love Well
If you have ever settled for less—love that drained you, confused you, or made you question your worth—know this: you are worthy of more. A respectful, healthy relationship is not just a dream for a lucky few. It is possible for anyone who chooses to love consciously, who dares to believe that relationships can be built on kindness, respect, and joy.
When you recognize the green flags, savor the glimmers, and embrace the practice of working through challenges, you open yourself to a kind of love that feels like homecoming.
Rumi once wrote, “Love is the bridge between you and everything.” May you find a bridge that doesn’t just carry you to another, but also leads you closer to yourself.
💚 Here’s to the love that honors you, nourishes you, challenges you, and reminds you daily that you are deeply worthy.
Reflection Prompts for Your Heart
Take a few quiet moments with a journal or notebook, and gently explore these questions:
1. Green Flags: What qualities do I want to see consistently in a healthy relationship? Where do I already notice them in my life?
2. Glimmers: What small gestures or moments of connection make me feel deeply cared for? How can I create or invite more of these?
3. Growth Through Challenge: How do I currently handle disagreements in relationships? What would it look like to move toward respect, listening, and peace—even when we don’t see eye to eye?
4. Self-Worth: Do I truly believe I deserve love that is respectful, supportive, and joyful? If not, what beliefs or experiences might I need to release?
5. Invitation: What is one step I can take this week to open myself to the kind of love that nourishes my soul?
Remember, love begins with awareness—both of what you want to cultivate and of what you are ready to no longer accept. When you honor yourself, you create space for a partner who will honor you, too.
Namaste,
Stephanie
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The First Step: Love Within
Before we can fully welcome a love that nourishes, we must learn to cultivate it within ourselves. True peace begins in the quiet of our own hearts. When we choose self-love, self-respect, and self-compassion, we create the foundation for every relationship that follows.
As Louise Hay once said, “Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
Your inner peace, your worth, your joy—they are not dependent on anyone else. They are already yours. And when you nurture them, you naturally attract a higher kind of love: one that reflects the wholeness you’ve found within.
💚 If you’re ready to walk this path of healing and self-discovery, I invite you to join me in the Soul Journey Membership. Together, we’ll explore practices for cultivating self-love, releasing old wounds, and opening your heart to receive the deep, respectful love you deserve.
This is your journey—to heal, to grow, to awaken to the love already inside you. The rest will follow.
