by Stephanie Bucklin
Self-love is not a destination; it is a lifelong practice that begins with self-awareness. The moment we awaken to our true selves, we are often met with resistance from the ego. It clings desperately to its role as protector, whispering the same old fears and doubts, convincing us to remain in the comfort of what we have always known.
But here’s the truth: The ego is not our enemy—it is merely misinformed. As Louise Hay once said, “You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Our limiting beliefs, our fears of unworthiness, and the narratives we have inherited are not reflections of our true essence. Instead, they are survival mechanisms meant to keep us feeling safe, even if that safety comes at the cost of growth and transformation.
Silencing the Ego to Hear the Soul
To cultivate self-love every day, we must first learn to quiet the noise of the ego. Meditation, mindfulness, and introspection are powerful tools, but the real shift occurs when we acknowledge our true nature—we are spiritual beings having a human experience. This realization was a turning point in my own life in 2024, when I fully embraced the understanding that I am a multidimensional soul, infinite in nature, and capable of profound love.
Love, however, is not enough on its own. Love without respect, love without self-worth, love without aligned action—these do not sustain us. Love must be an active force, a conscious choice we make every day. It is not something to win or a prize for those who master the art of pleasing others. Too often, we believe that if we are desirable enough, agreeable enough, or small enough, we will finally be worthy of love. But true love, the kind that transforms, does not require us to shrink—it asks us to expand. It strips us down to our essence and demands that we stand in our own power.
The Fear of Love and the Illusion of Control
When love has failed us in the past, many of us have done the only thing that made sense at the time: we closed our hearts. We convinced ourselves that detachment was freedom, that avoiding pain meant we were strong. But in truth, love is not a weakness. As Brené Brown beautifully states, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”
When we wall ourselves off from love, we do more than just protect ourselves from pain—we also block ourselves from connection, creativity, and abundance. A closed heart in love is a closed heart in business, in leadership, and in creation. We cannot lead, we cannot expand, and we cannot truly live from a place of self-abandonment.
Love as Leadership
Love is not passive—it is an act of leadership. How we love ourselves, how we love others, and how we love the world around us is a direct reflection of how we show up in every area of our lives. The most magnetic souls are not those who chase, but those who attract. They do not demand attention; they radiate presence. They do not cling to control; they surrender to the flow of life and, in doing so, shape everything around them.
Love is not enough without boundaries, integrity, and action. We must love ourselves enough to make aligned choices, to walk away from what depletes us, and to cultivate relationships that honor our worth. Love should empower, not diminish. Love should liberate, not confine.
Becoming the Love You Seek
Self-love is not reserved for holidays or special occasions—it is an everyday practice. It is not something we wait for; it is something we become. Not the kind of love the world has taught us, not the kind we see in romanticized narratives, but the kind that is raw, real, and courageous enough to be seen.
Because that kind of love? It never leaves. It does not waver. It does not depend on external validation. It is the foundation of true leadership, of true connection, and of a life lived in alignment with our highest selves. As Rumi so wisely said, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Break down the walls. Let love move through you. And watch as everything in your life transforms.
Namaste,
~S
References (To Go Down the Rabbit Hole 😉
Books
- Louise Hay – You Can Heal Your Life
- Discusses self-love, affirmations, and the power of our thoughts in shaping reality.
- Brené Brown – The Gifts of Imperfection
- Explores vulnerability, self-worth, and wholehearted living.
- Eckhart Tolle – The Power of Now
- Focuses on mindfulness and quieting the ego to live in the present moment.
- Don Miguel Ruiz – The Mastery of Love
- Examines love, self-worth, and emotional healing.
- Michael Singer – The Untethered Soul
- Discusses the concept of ego and how to free yourself from limiting beliefs.
- Rumi – The Essential Rumi (translated by Coleman Barks)
- Contains poetry and wisdom on love, self-discovery, and breaking internal barriers.
Websites & Online Resources
- Louise Hay’s Official Website – www.louisehay.com
- Offers articles, affirmations, and resources on self-love and healing.
- Brené Brown’s Website – www.brenebrown.com
- Features research and insights on vulnerability, courage, and self-acceptance.
- Eckhart Tolle’s Teachings – www.eckharttolle.com
- Provides videos, courses, and writings on consciousness and ego.
- Mindvalley – www.mindvalley.com
- Offers personal development courses on self-love, leadership, and mindfulness.
- Psychology Today – www.psychologytoday.com
- Contains articles on cognitive dissonance, self-worth, and emotional well-being.
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