by Stephanie Bucklin
From the time we were children, many of us were taught to wait for love as if it were a rescue mission. We were told stories of the knight in shining armor — the one who would see our goodness, slay our dragons, and take us to a happily-ever-after. We were taught that our worth was confirmed when someone else chose us.
But these fairy tales left something out: our own sovereignty. They never told us that the princess could pick up her own sword. They never mentioned that the real dragons were the fears, wounds, and traumas within us — and that healing them would be the true path to freedom.
The Conditioning of Romantic Salvation
From childhood, we learn to equate partnership with safety. Movies, music, and even well-meaning parents repeat the same story: that someone else will complete us, calm us, or save us.
As bell hooks wrote in All About Love, “The truth is, love is not simply a feeling. It is an action, an intention, and a choice.”
When we confuse attachment with salvation, we create relationships built not on sovereignty, but on dependency — where one partner unconsciously becomes the healer, and the other the wound. In my own journey, I mistook emotional familiarity for safety. I called chaos “passion,” mistook dominance for protection, and silenced my intuition in the name of peace.
But love that requires self-abandonment is not love. It is survival.
When Love Turns to Awareness
The breaking point comes not as punishment, but as awakening. The soul whispers, “How long will you stay in this fire and call it warmth?”
This is where awareness begins — when we finally see how the wounds of childhood continue to write our adult love stories. Eckhart Tolle reminds us that relationships often serve as “magnifiers of our unconsciousness.” They reveal the pain we’ve buried, not to destroy us, but to bring it into the light of awareness.
When we see how we’ve been conditioned to seek validation outside ourselves, we can begin the sacred return inward — to our own peace, our own voice, our own center.
What Sovereign Love Looks Like
Sovereign love is not about control or possession. It is not about who is right or wrong, or who loves more deeply. It is a partnership of equals — two whole beings choosing to walk side by side, without eclipsing one another’s light.
- When love is sovereign,
- We meet in the middle, not in the rescue.
- We hold up a mirror, not a mask.
- We offer space, not suffocation.
- We honor the pause, not just the passion.
Thich Nhat Hanh once wrote, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” That is the essence of divine partnership — where love is not a cage, but a catalyst for growth.
Healing the Myth of the Savior
To heal from toxic love, we must dismantle the myth that someone else will save us. Real love does not arrive to fix us — it arrives to remind us that we were never broken.
My own journey from “Love Is Not Enough” to “Becoming Love” to “Sovereign Love” is the sacred evolution of awakening. It is the realization that love is not something we chase — it is something we embody. When we choose ourselves, we do not close the door to love. We open it — but this time, it opens inward.
Returning Home to the Self
- I am learning, again, to listen to the quiet truth that lives beneath the noise.
- To rest in my own arms.
- To breathe in my own safety.
- To trust that peace is not found in another’s approval — it is found in the soft knowing that I am enough.
- In choosing sovereignty, I am not rejecting love.
- I am becoming it.
It is through this inner work that I am becoming a sovereign being. I feel blessed.
Namaste,
~S
If this message resonated with you — if you’re walking the path of reclaiming your power, healing old wounds, and learning to love from a place of sovereignty — you’ll find even deeper guidance in my book, Awakened Living: A Holistic Journey to Mind, Body & Spirit Balance.
In Awakened Living, I explore many of the same concepts woven through this blog — from self-awareness and conscious relationships to the spiritual practices that help us return home to ourselves. It’s a book designed to awaken your inner wisdom and help you live with authenticity, grace, and peace.
✨ Learn more about my writing and other works on my Author Page:
https://stephaniebucklin.com/author
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May this next step on your journey bring you closer to the freedom, love, and inner harmony you deserve. 💫
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