by Stephanie Bucklin, Originally posted 11/1/2014
Many years ago, I delved into a deeply personal search regarding integrity and honesty. This self-realization was initiated by a “crack” in my integrity that I hadn’t noticed was there until my honesty, or lack thereof, hurt someone very close to me. I was a young adult at the tender age of nineteen, and being immature, naïve and cocky, I had a rather perfect mental image of my perception of reality and, myself in general.
Upon first examination, I was shocked and insulted to be told that I was less than honest. This being my first real bout with integrity, I was further injured by the idea that I hadn’t any. Being honest, I felt at the time, was telling the truth in spoken or written form. In leaving facts out, holding back pertinent information, or with the omission of truth, I was simply preserving my own self-interest. At that point, I also thought that I was a “good person”. One important lesson that I learned from this experience is that it is morally wrong for one person to keep the truth from another, even if it’s to spare that person’s feelings. This is because it steals away the innocent party’s ability to make informed decisions. For example, if a man were to have an affair and keep it a secret from his wife, this takes the wife’s ability away from her to make informed decisions about the quality of her marriage, her husband’s integrity, whether the marriage should be worked on or dissolved, or whether she is willing and/or able to forgive such an offense. Given the chance, this man’s wife might forgive him, work through the problem with him and move on with him, making the relationship that much stronger having faced adversity together.
Upon further evaluation of my integrity, I was able to see when and how my erroneous beliefs were formed. Once I determined the cause, I was able to observe myself from an external “birds eye” view, the melting pot of effects that my dishonesty and omissions of truth to myself had had on all of my roles in my life. Being that I had taken on this huge self-realization, and that I had committed myself to change, I then required myself to follow through with action. I learned that Actions Speak Louder Than Words. Therefore, I had to take all of the realities of my life, all of the promises that I had made, all of the roles that I had taken on, and follow them through with honest actions.
This also meant that in order to hold my integrity as high as I desired…I would need to continue with this “policy of truth” for the duration of my life. At first, being a person of integrity was as difficult as it would be to adjust to walking around with twenty-pound weights strapped to my shoulders – it was difficult, but possible. I continually examined, analyzed and scrutinized every single one of my words and actions, to be sure that every one was honest and pure of heart. After about two years of studious hard work, determination and self-evaluation, I had grown into a strong person with empowering convictions, morals and true integrity.
I now know what true integrity is, and what it means to be honest. I believe that integrity is at the heart of what makes a human being into a “good person” and a strong individual. Having integrity means that you are honest, not only with the people you encounter in your life, but also with yourself. It means that you hold your promises and commitments true without question. It means that your word can be taken as a guarantee or promise that what has been said will be followed through with action. It means that you have moral convictions about what you think is right and wrong, and that you are unwavering when those convictions are tested. Most importantly, it means that you are open to changing your point of view when your convictions or beliefs are proven erroneous. Looking back, I am very thankful that I had that fortunate encounter with integrity. It has made me a much better spouse, employee, student, sister, daughter, friend and person. And to be quite honest, it’s made my life much easier. All I have to do is follow my heart and be true to myself, and the rest just falls into place. ~S
